Conscious Unconsciousness

Lately, I've been thinking about my future and how the dictatorial rule of the college schedule will no longer be my compass. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I think I always thought life would just stop before I actually graduated college. I have slowly realized that is not the case. Along the same lines, I more or less never thought I would be living in Logan, Utah at age 22, graduating from Utah State University. My middle school/high school-age self would have "rather died" than move to Utah.

Welp, 15 year old Anne, you lost and 22 year old Anne is kind of happy for that.

On another note, I spent the evening reading Katie's blog entries from the summer, listening to Indian pop music, and laughing out loud many, many times. It brought back a flood of memories I had otherwise forgotten. Memories I should have written down but never have. I'm grateful for Katie's detailed entries about our adventures. I was constantly reminded of the kindness of strangers. We met some really great people who had no reason to be kind to us but nonetheless were. I'm eternally grateful. I can say with almost 100% certainty that I will never see these individuals again but I will never forget them. To the young, Muslim girl in the Hyderabad train station, thank you for telling us the train number to Lingampally had changed.

I'm not worried about what lies ahead. If India only did but one thing, it reenforced the idea that it always works out. It might not be how I would expect it but somehow, it always fits.

It's February.

I've been squeamish the last few weeks. Maybe it's because I have been using words like, "squeamish". hm...

At any rate, I'm over the hump and I could not feel any better about where I am at this moment. It's going to be a good week.

Last summer, kristen and I took a road trip across the southern, well I guess more central, part of the country. We did it 1999 style. This included no iphone, no smart phone, no ipod or any other electrical necessity of the 21st century. It did include granola, dried mango, a paper map, and mixed cds.

When we were in West Virginia, we listened to this song on repeat for approximately the entire time we were in the state. We also tried to make the lunch prices at Chuck-a-Rama. What else were we supposed to do in that state? Buuut we're cheap and unwilling to spend 10 bucks.

Hey, if we weren't willing to spend 20 on seeing the natural bridge, we sure were not going to spend 10 on saturated fat topped with grease gravy.

I've had this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. Not only that but I feel as though I take for granted everything I have and experience. I live in a beautiful place, relatively safe with little threat to my own welling being as well as the well being of loved ones.

I'm trying to be more grateful.




Be part of something bigger than yourself.

I haven't been doing much thus far in the year 2010 but there is ONE thing I have perfected. I have mastered the art of guessing the exact (+/- 2 minutes) time of day.

In Review:

2009, you did well.

I made a new friend on Sunday. This friend has a name from the Bible. That book is referenced everywhere. If nothing else, it is a literary gem.

This friend told me to go home and look up a poem by William Ernest Henley. Heeding to the request, I read the following,

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


I think this will be worth seeing.

Saint Luke and Saint Matthew

"Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that [Christ] was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priest and elders,
Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that.
And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself."

I think we underestimate Judas. I think he gets a lot of criticism and un-rightfully so. Christ was his Savior and I honestly think Judas thought Christ would save himself. When he realized that was not the case, he was heartbroken.

Judas was a man. I don't think he fully understood the prophecies of the Lord but he acted on what he thought he knew. He lacked faith. He lacked faith at a crucial time. I'm forced to ask myself,

How many times have I lacked faith in crucial times?

Who am I to judge him? He was hard enough on himself. He doesn't need me damning him.